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The Top 20 Breakup Mistakes and How To Get Your Ex Back Even If You’Ve Made Every One Of Them
If you’re going through a breakup right now, your emotions are super charged and heightened and you’re just not acting like yourself, right? Here are the top 20 breakup mistakes that are not only driving your ex completely nuts, but guaranteeing you’ll never get back together. I’m going to reveal what they are and then explain how you can completely wipe the slate clean and still get them back.
I compiled my top 20 breakup mistakes after months of counseling men and women in 31 countries going through a very painful breakup. I invite you to read each one and take notes if you need to, and read on to the end, where I reveal how you can still get them back even if you’ve made all the mistakes on this list.
Mistake #1 – Allowing your ex to completely control your life
You and your ex may not even be aware that you’re doing this or that you’re actually allowing him to do this, but after your breakup, your instinctive reaction is to totally analyze practically every facet of your relationship and your breakup until the limit of going crazy
That won’t accomplish anything and will only keep you stuck in the healing process.
Mistake #2 – Staying friends with your ex
Many heartbroken people remain friends with their ex for one reason: the hope that one day they will realize that they are truly meant to be together.
WRONG. Once you get into the friend trap, it’s very hard to get out and it’s not something I recommend.
Mistake #3: Bombarding your ex with text messages
Basically, you’re not leaving your ex just because you don’t want them to move on with their lives without you.
This is one of the worst things you can do because often all it does is make sure they made the right decision to not be with you right now.
Mistake #5: Firing off angry emails to your ex
Like the previous one, when you make this mistake you are venting your anger on your ex about the pain they have caused you.
THIS IS A NO-NO because all it will do is create a permanent wedge between you and will ensure your ex moves on very quickly.
Mistake #6: Firing off desperate emails to your ex
This mistake is different from #5 because instead of being angry you are desperate. You are acting pretty weak trying to get your ex to understand how much they broke your heart and how much you need them in your life.
When you behave this way, you are high maintenance and also too desperate and that is NOT going to be attractive to your ex.
Mistake #7: Calling your ex all day long
Let’s face it, you’re not calling them with good intentions, you’re calling them because you want to know where they are, are they at home, who are they with, is anyone home with them?
This type of stalking behavior can end up with an AVO, so hold on, this is not the way to get your ex’s attention.
Mistake #8 – Chasing your ex regularly at the places they hang out
Right, you suddenly have this insane desire to be wherever your ex goes, because if you’re not there, how are they going to think of you now that you’re no longer together, right?
WRONG! Not only will this not seem like a match, but it will really put your ex off, it will also put off your friends and your ex’s friends, and you could end up with a nice visit from the police.
Mistake #9: Lending money to your ex
So you’re throwing good money after bad money at your ex because you think that way you’ll be able to stay in touch with your ex and they’ll “owe” you.
BAD AGAIN You are setting yourself up for not only an emotional fallout, but a financial fallout here… Once your ex knows they can come to you as their ATM, they will feed you lies and crap to make you feel like you. it’s special to them…..but there will always be a BUT!
Mistake #10 – Staying friends with your ex’s family
While there’s nothing wrong with being on friendly terms with your ex’s family, if you suddenly start hanging out with them in the hopes of accidentally bumping into your ex, that’s not a good thing.
Mistake #11: Trying to make your ex jealous
The key to making someone jealous is NOT to make it obvious. However, many people, unfortunately, are not very good at this and make it abundantly clear when they have their cousin’s best friend from the interstate playing their instant love interest when they come into town for a quick visit.
In fact, you’ll have much better luck moving on with your life and not being afraid to meet new people.
Mistake #12 – Having sex with your ex
Yes, I recently got an email from a mate saying we just broke up and we’ll meet tomorrow for sex, is that ok?
Why do you think it’s okay?
I mean, if you want to be your ex’s boyfriend or girlfriend, you have to stop acting like their girlfriend or boyfriend when you’re no longer in a relationship with them; if not, what incentive will they have to get back together with you? .
Mistake #13: Constantly asking your ex for a second chance
You can’t cope without your ex, that much is clear, but you don’t need to constantly make it obvious to your ex all the time.
While that will certainly stroke their ego, it will probably drive them crazy too, so lay low and you’ll get much better results.
Mistake #14 – Bad mouthing your ex to your family and friends
Unless you plan to never get back with your ex, don’t talk bad about him or her to everyone close to you. And definitely don’t reveal some juicy tidbits that your ex would die if she knew you told her.
You have to think about the big picture here…. Your ex will never get back with you unless she is 100 percent comfortable doing so.
Mistake #15: Bad-mouthing your ex to family and friends
It applies even more to your ex’s friends and family. Don’t think for a second that they will keep their conversations with your ex private.
If you speak her wrong, you will not only bring out the tricks in your ex, but also in their friends and family.
Mistake #16 – Throwing pity parties
Another desperate effort to get back together: make your ex feel so sorry for you…some people even go so far as to say that they will kill themselves if they don’t get back together with you.
Not only that blackmail which is totally childish and an unfair kind of pressure to put on your ex — and your relationship, even if you were to get back together, would have little chance of success.
Mistake #17 – Driving your friends and family crazy by always talking about your ex
Okay, this is going to hurt a little, but you had a life before your ex – and guess what – you managed to have some interesting conversations before you met your ex. So don’t drive your friends and family completely crazy and isolate yourself from the people who really care about you.
Mistake #18: Coming across as needy and clingy to your ex
This may be your gut reaction, but all this behavior is going to do is reinforce your ex’s desire not to be with you because you are so high maintenance.
Mistake #19 – Giving threats and ultimatums
You are desperate and acting completely irrationally and all you want is for your pain to go away, so you will do almost anything to get your ex back.
Handing out threats and ultimatums won’t bring you a happy ending, so behave yourself with dignity and you’ll be surprised at the difference.
Mistake #20 – Being vengeful
You’re angry and you want them to hurt so you’re going to get back at them, right??
WRONG! You have to think long term here… That’s not only going to piss off your ex, but everyone they know and could get you in a lot of trouble with the law.
Hey, I said 20 break bugs, but I’ll throw in one more for good measure, okay.
BONUS – Mistake #21 – Making false promises that you will change
Okay, we all have a few little things that we could probably improve about ourselves and some of these can be quite realistic… however, others don’t even bother.
While it’s possible to spruce yourself up a bit, there’s no point in pretending to be someone you’re not because your armor will come off when you least expect it and you’ll be alone again anyway.
Now that’s a list, isn’t it?
Do you know why these mistakes are so common?
Because your emotions are completely out of control as a result of your breakup and you will do ANYTHING to make the pain stop and to get your ex back.
You and I both know that acting like that isn’t the real you, right?
You’re not a stalker, you’re not usually clingy, needy or desperate or as obsessed as you have been lately!
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot for a minute. If your ex was acting like you were recently, do you want them back?
Let’s face it: you’re high maintenance, you’re highly emotional, you’re clingy, you’re desperate, you’re obsessive, you’re NOT the person your boyfriend/girlfriend, wife/husband fell in love with. ?
How to completely clean the slate
What you need to do first is accept in this moment that YOU ARE broken (but in your mind it is temporary).
So what you need to do is heal as quickly as possible so that you can release the real you under all that emotional turmoil that your ex fell madly in love with.
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